I have no idea what to do with myself. I was ecstatic and so grateful when I received the scholarship and fellowship that allows me to do my Ph.D. But nearly four months have passed and I haven't done a single thing, not my readings, not anything, just going through the motion-going to classes, meeting my supervisor etc- I'm doomed.
As these sentences can attest my mind is in a scramble, not orderly and does not make sense. That's how I feel about life now generally. I have tried all the methods I knew to get me out of this funk, I have made several bookstores rich, I have obssessively read trivial stuff just to clear my head from all it's negative energy, it worked some, basically in helping me control my emotions, but it has not enabled my brain to actually start working seriously. So many things are also happening around me, personal family things, political upheaval that are making me both speechless and vocal (go figure), and the general negative energy that affect me adversely when my mind is in this condition.
I have also been checking out a few blogs, from my favourite authors to local political observers, and all other blogs in between, it shamed me that I have been a bit self-centered and talking about me all the time. People have issues to talk about or if they talk about their life, it is actually interesting, unlike mine. I have issues I want to discuss, so many issues I tell you, but whenever I actually got the chance to write it down I go blank. Typical!
I have also not written any poem for ages, that is how dead my brain is now. God! Help!
Well let see if I can help myself first before calling on BIGGER powers.
Clarity
Someone said silence is deafening.
It sorts of fit now.
In this eery silence of aloneness
I am deafened by
things undoneAs these sentences can attest my mind is in a scramble, not orderly and does not make sense. That's how I feel about life now generally. I have tried all the methods I knew to get me out of this funk, I have made several bookstores rich, I have obssessively read trivial stuff just to clear my head from all it's negative energy, it worked some, basically in helping me control my emotions, but it has not enabled my brain to actually start working seriously. So many things are also happening around me, personal family things, political upheaval that are making me both speechless and vocal (go figure), and the general negative energy that affect me adversely when my mind is in this condition.
I have also been checking out a few blogs, from my favourite authors to local political observers, and all other blogs in between, it shamed me that I have been a bit self-centered and talking about me all the time. People have issues to talk about or if they talk about their life, it is actually interesting, unlike mine. I have issues I want to discuss, so many issues I tell you, but whenever I actually got the chance to write it down I go blank. Typical!
I have also not written any poem for ages, that is how dead my brain is now. God! Help!
Well let see if I can help myself first before calling on BIGGER powers.
Clarity
Someone said silence is deafening.
It sorts of fit now.
In this eery silence of aloneness
I am deafened by
wishes unfulfilled
dreams unrealised.
When
will
I
hear
again?
yra
03/12/07
6.35 p.m.
Hmm something is wrong. I can't see it now. Maybe time will give me clarity....
will
I
hear
again?
yra
03/12/07
6.35 p.m.
Hmm something is wrong. I can't see it now. Maybe time will give me clarity....
