Birthday part 2

Surprise, surprise. That's what my students and colleagues did toward the end of the working day of my birthday. They came into my class and celebrated my birthday and this makes me realise however I refuse to be happy on my birthday, people around me will insist on reminding me that I am loved and I should just enjoy my life pitfalls and all. I guess that's what made my life worthwhile isn't it, the people I surround myself with. Alhamdulillah.

Birthday part 1

Yes, today is my 30th birthday. I don't know what to say, feel or act. Life is still going at the same old rate, no changes and I don't think I have achieved whatever I set out to achieve years ago. Well it has been like this since my eigteenth birthday, I don't see the point of continuing on and each birthday feels like another prolongement of my incarceration on this earth. I have been trying to boost myself up ever since, telling myself living is not bad and there are others who have worse luck than mine and they are happy that they are alive. But however, I try to be happy I will always end up depress on my birthday. My brother with all his eleven years worth of celebration cannot understand this lethargy of mine, and to tell the truth even I don't understand it myself.

My mantra right now is Hoobastank's "If I were You" trying to remind me to be grateful for whatever I have, it helped me through the darkest part of my mood but I don't think it's going to work for long.I have cried, prayed, and talked to God but I have no one that I could really hash things out 'cause even when I talk to myself it sound so pathetic and ungrateful.

Well I better stop now before I bore myself silly 'bout this.

Same Old Same Old

Another friend got married over the weekend, and another delivered her first child. Milestones in their life I guess, but it seems it will never apply to me.

Mom's birthday tomorrow, bought her presents already. Tomorrow gonna get a her a cake and maybe a bouqet of flowers. She loves roses. That's what I am gonna get her, three different colors of roses representing abang, adik and I.

"If only I could turn back time" ... you know I sometime wish that. There is so many thing I would do over. Well if wishes were horses....

Life

Yesterday I went out with a few friends, and while we were driving to lunch the driver decided to play chicken with the traffic light, I screamed of course, but my other friend laughingly said that she was ready for it and she knew that he was going to brake. Well in jest or fun yes it is ok for this too, just a little excitement, but I know that you can trust yourself to brake but the brake itself cannot be trusted, it could have failed, it happened to me once and it was damn scary, and anyway I have never found it funny to make a game of our lives. Well that's me I guess, life is precious to me and I have never taken it for granted, even when I was at my lowest low killing myself was never an option!

Hi, bye, bye

I haven't blogged here for quite a while. Wasn't anything just to busy to update two blogs. I updated the other one but then never quite manage to get to this one. Well just dropped in to say that it'll be quite a while b4 I blog again coz all the computers at my office have been blocked form internet usage. I don't know why but that means untilo the office is back online I won't be blogging.

Sleepy post

Nothing much to say. Today my students starts their mid-sem exam. So this week instead of teaching I will be busy invigilating. I hate invigilating, if when I was studying exams were horrible well now I think conducting and invigilating exams are worse.

Well a bit sleepy today so brain is a bit slow, cannot think of anything to write. So I guess that's it for today. Til I wake up properly.

Dramatic Raya

Well, yesterday was Aidiladha and we only had enough money for the kuah kacang (peanut gravy) and nasi impit (compacted rice) and the ingredients for rendang but not for the meat or chicken. Abang went out to play and then came home requesting to follow his friend to the surau where there had the Qurban. He came back and very loudly anounced that he is bringing back meat free of charge. He was so happy about it. So with the meat that my lil' bro provided we cooked our rendang and our raya is complete. Alhamdulillah!

I came to work this morning open up my mail, what do you know there was a mail from a uni' friend whom I haven't heard from for such a long time. She told me the news that she now have a boy, nearly a year old, and I am so glad for her. She was among the first of my friends to get married, and she was at one point worried that she is not getting pregnant. When she was going on to UK to pursue her PhD we joke like her parents who had their first and second child in UK, she would follow suit, and she did. Uk has been good to her family.

I guess that's about it for now. Til I have interesting things to write.