What am I doing?

I don't know anymore, i have tried so many times to fix this mess. I have tried over and over again to come up at least with something, but my brains kept freezing, telling me it is useless, i have no capability to do this, I am too stupid, I am useless, and I can never do this. No matter how many times those I love tell me that those voices are lies, that I am able to do this, but her voice telling me that I am worthless piece of being is louder than theirs. I just can't move past that. And I am stuck not knowing where to go, what to do, just waiting for the axe to fall on my head, which surely it would. Monday will come and I guess I'll know my fate. I got to be ready for it, and I got to say that I have nothing that I have wasted three years because I wasn't strong enough to fight. Lord help!