My lot in life

I just lost it today. After 4 days of barely sleeping and eating and trying to look after everybody, not to mention trying to block the excruciating pain on my lower back from my mind, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I love my family and I don’t mind looking after them, but sometimes I feel so unappreciated and today actually I feel so unloved. I feel as if, if I die today no one would care as long as their life goes on uninterrupted.

It is so unfair! I’ve given up everything to be the caretaker for the family but when it comes to me, no one seems to give a damn. They only know to blame me or demand better performance so that I could manage their life better.

Everyone else have the right to my attention because they are sick or too young or unable to do it themselves. But when it comes to me I have no right at all for anyone’s consideration coz it seems to me now that I don’t matter.

God, I have accepted my lot a long time ago, but I think this is too much to ask of me. Why can’t they care for me? Nobody loves me. I have no one that I can count on to care for me or to give a damn what happen to me.

I am so lonely.

Ya Allah…………………

Life is ....

God this is beautiful. They say life is a wheel and mine decides it needs to repeat the same thinf again and again. I wish this wheel woul move on or sooner or later I might just give up and say to hell with it.

I can't believe that I am still screwing up. Wht with me and this problem in writing thesis paper. Can't I juts get over what ever's blocking me and write a silly thesis. God other people have done it! Why Can't I?

I wish. God that word. Wish. If it is only that simple. Wish and voila everything happens. But life is never simple eh?

WHY?????????????

I have been to hell and back and still no difference.

I STILL HAVE NOTHING.

I have been lambasted, humiliated and scolded by my supervisor and it just drove me deeper into oblivion.

GOD HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!