People are always changing and they seem to be better for it. Why is it then I seem to be stuck in the same cycle forever? I thought I have gained some control of myself as I grew, gained confidence, self-respect andl all those stuff. But I am still that scared little girl that have no belief in myself in whatever important event in my life.
I am now fighting the same old demon that haunt me nearly half my life, I thought I got it beaten down years ago. But bang risk a little change in my life, and bang depression and uncertainty are back again. It is not enough that I am surrounded by crisis 24/7, I have to go and add on to that.
I have said it many times I am fortunate to be surrounded by people that love me, but sometimes they just can't help. Sometimes they even are part of the problem. I once wrote a poem about that, but understanding the problem is not enough anymore, I feel I am losing grip too fast too soon now. I am spiralling into madness and there's no one to stop me coz they're all depending on me.
So the same two problem that have haunt me all my life, my insecurities and responsibilities. God!
Well about that poem I wrote, here it is.
Obligations
-----------
i am drowning
in the waters
of responsibility.
i can't breathe,
all these demands
are choking me.
i am suffocating
from the dues
i pay for the
price of love.
Family loves me
but i am slowly
dying by the burden
of their love.
Save me!
