Surprise, surprise. That's what my students and colleagues did toward the end of the working day of my birthday. They came into my class and celebrated my birthday and this makes me realise however I refuse to be happy on my birthday, people around me will insist on reminding me that I am loved and I should just enjoy my life pitfalls and all. I guess that's what made my life worthwhile isn't it, the people I surround myself with. Alhamdulillah.
Friday, September 08, 2006
Birthday part 1
Yes, today is my 30th birthday. I don't know what to say, feel or act. Life is still going at the same old rate, no changes and I don't think I have achieved whatever I set out to achieve years ago. Well it has been like this since my eigteenth birthday, I don't see the point of continuing on and each birthday feels like another prolongement of my incarceration on this earth. I have been trying to boost myself up ever since, telling myself living is not bad and there are others who have worse luck than mine and they are happy that they are alive. But however, I try to be happy I will always end up depress on my birthday. My brother with all his eleven years worth of celebration cannot understand this lethargy of mine, and to tell the truth even I don't understand it myself.
My mantra right now is Hoobastank's "If I were You" trying to remind me to be grateful for whatever I have, it helped me through the darkest part of my mood but I don't think it's going to work for long.I have cried, prayed, and talked to God but I have no one that I could really hash things out 'cause even when I talk to myself it sound so pathetic and ungrateful.
Well I better stop now before I bore myself silly 'bout this.
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